


Secret Mega Santa

by RI_RI_KA_ao3



Category: VA-11 Hall-A (Video Game)
Genre: Zine: On The Rocks (VA-11 Hall-A)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 12:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30038826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RI_RI_KA_ao3/pseuds/RI_RI_KA_ao3
Summary: It's a few days after Christmas, and Jill has received a late present of a very memetastic piece of clothing. Naturally, everyone wants to try it on! My contribution for the zine On the Rocks.
Kudos: 3





	Secret Mega Santa

Jill opened the door to the familiar, dimly lit atmosphere of VA-11 HALL-A. Gillian was behind the bar, wiping glasses in preparation for the night rush.  
“Evening, Gill,” Jill said.  
“Evening,” Gillian said, not even looking up from his work.  
“Evening, Jill,” Dana said. “Hey, I’m gonna be headed out for a couple hours tonight. Meeting with someone from BTC. It’s been pretty slow…I think you can handle the place.”  
Jill smiled—high praise from her number one boss. “Thanks.”  
As she lifted up the partition for the bar, she noticed a familiar figure standing nervously by the jukebox. “Oh, hey,” Jill said, recognizing the motorcycle enthusiast with the scarred eyebrow. “Mario, right? What brings you in tonight?”  
“Yeah. I have a package for you,” he said. He handed her a wad of what looked to be a bunch of black garbage bags, but as Jill accepted it she could feel something soft inside. “Sign here, please.”  
“You staying?” Jill asked as she dragged her finger across the touch pad of Mario’s tablet, making a reasonable approximation of her signature.  
“Nah. Got a shit ton of deliveries to make.”  
“The whole Slamazon situation, huh?” Jill said. Mario rolled his eyes, sighing.  
“’Order now and it’s guaranteed to arrive by Mega Christmas!’ Ugh.”  
Jill looked down at the package in her hands at the address label. It was written to the bar, but attention “Jill”. Just “Jill.” That’s weird, Jill thought. This a gift from an admirer or something?  
“I gotta jet. See ya,” Mario said, waving as Jill stepped behind the bar.  
“So what’d you get?” Gillian asked as Jill set the package down and started up the ordering computer.  
“That’s weird. I have no idea. Unless you know something about it?”  
“Yeah, no. I don’t online shop…too many risks involved,” Gillian said as he moved out of Jill’s way to wipe down tables. The irony in his statement brought a smile to Jill’s face.  
“Well, it’s addressed to me, so…”  
Jill grabbed a pair of scissors and carefully cut a slit in the black plastic before ripping it open. Inside, she saw a piece of knitted cloth inside another, clear plastic bag, that she pulled free. The clear bag yielded easily to her fingernails, and Jill pulled out…something.  
It was a piece of knitwork. It looked human sized, but something about the way it was shaped reminded Jill of the dog fashions she’d seen on some of the dogs at that party. It had a cozy looking turtleneck, but as Jill turned it around, she realized it had ties in the back of the neck as well as a band around the bottom. Jill stared at it, wondering aloud, “What the hell is this?”

“Evening, honey! Is it time to mix drinks and save lives?” said a cheery voice.  
“Oh, hey, Dorothy,” Jill said, as the pint sized Lilim-of-the-evening took a seat at the bar, her legs dangling off the stool. “How’ve you been?”  
“Kinda meh, really,” Dorothy said. “Figured there’d be something exciting going on in here. Otherwise, I can create my own excitement. Can I get a Sugar Rush?”  
“Coming right up,” Jill said. She turned to the bar and began filling up the cocktail shaker when Dorothy noticed the package that Jill had left.  
“Ooh, what’s that?” she asked, picking up the knitted article inside. Her eyes widened and she broke into a silly grin. “Oooh, I know what that is,” she said, in a sing-song voice.  
“Really? What is—” As Jill was about to ask, the door to VA-11 HALL-A opened again, and two figures stepped into the bar. “Oh, hey, you two.”  
“Hello!” Sei smiled at Jill. She had been in very high spirits since the three of them went to the Kira*Miki concert recently. Jill thought it was astounding as only a few weeks ago, she’d been in the fight of her life. Her external injuries and wounds had mostly healed.  
“How’ve you been?” Stella asked as she sat down at the bar. Her spirits were also very high, as both she and Sei had recently reconnected with Tim, who had been the White Knight that intervened in the childhood incident that proceeded to shape both Stella and Sei’s lives. As a belated thank you, the always generous Stella had assisted Tim with living out his lifelong dream of opening a curry restaurant.  
“All right…The usual?”  
“Yes please,” Sei said. She noticed Dorothy. “Hi there, sweetie! It’s been a minute, hasn’t it?”  
“It has! You look a lot better,” Dorothy said. “Hey, check this out!” She picked up the clothing and held it up to Sei.  
“Oh wow, is that a sweater?” Sei said. She unfolded the hastily crumpled up sweater from its package and shook it out, putting it up against her. “Hmmm…this is nice. I can see myself wearing one of these things—”  
Dorothy grinned.  
“—at the beach over my swimsuit. Sitting under an umbrella on a beach towel with an ice cold beer.” She looked dreamily off into the distance, while behind her, Stella and Dorothy were giving each other knowing glances, grinning.  
“You’re not supposed to wear anything underneath this,” Dorothy said. “Jill, listen up. You’re in possession of the legendary Virgin Killer Sweater.”  
“The what?” Jill choked back some laughter. “So is this like some serial killer’s uniform?”  
“No way!” Dorothy said. “These were really popular back in the Teens. Basically…way back when, they said if wear one of these, you’re guaranteed that someone’s going to cash in their V-Card with you.”  
“And here I am thinking it was a dog sweater,” Jill said. And once again, why am I not surprised that you would know this, she thought.  
“So anyway, I had to wear one of these for a client once…it was awful,” Dorothy said, as she took a swig of her Sugar Rush.  
“Why was it awful? Looks comfy,” Stella said, as she admired it.  
“Well…Jill, if you don’t mind, I can show you exactly why,” Dorothy said, hopping down from her bar stool. “Is there a place where I can change?”  
“Dana’s office should be okay,” Jill said.  
“Okay.” Dorothy took the sweater and opened the door to Dana’s office. Suddenly there was a shout from inside:  
“WHOA! Dorothy, what the HELL?!”  
“Oh, hey Johnface. You want to stay and watch?”  
Gillian hastily exited the room, shutting the door behind him. “I didn’t even realize he was in there,” Jill said.  
“Suuuuuuure you did,” Stella said.  
A few minutes later Dorothy exited the room, her face scowling. The sweater was way too big for her—the turtleneck was threatening to swallow her head, it hung way past her waistline, and everything was incredibly loose. Jill couldn’t help but start to laugh.  
“Yeah. Laugh it up,” Dorothy said. “You see why I hated it?”  
Stella chuckled. “Yeah, it looks kind of like you’re wearing a dress made out of a spare tire and a garbage bag.”  
“Then maybe you should try it on?” Dorothy was about to pull the sweater off over her head and hand it to Stella before she remembered where she was, and proceeded to take Stella by the hand and lead her into Dana’s office.  
“Black and red is a good color combination on her,” Sei said, twirling the ice in her Piano Woman. “I think it’d look good on you, too…You look good in black.”  
“I honestly think it’d look better on you,” Jill said. “I can’t really do the sleeveless thing, especially at this time of year.  
“Then can I try it on next?”  
Just then, Dorothy (in her usual working outfit) stepped out of the office, and with a flourish presented Stella. Her red drill pigtails bounced as she paraded across the floor, the black knitted sweater making a perfect contrast against her red skirt.  
“It looks lovely,” Sei said.  
“Yeah, but this killjoy is wearing it over her dress,” Dorothy said.  
“It’s already a bodycon dress,” Stella protested. “So it’s adding extra oomph to my curves. But I hate turtlenecks...they make me itchy.”  
Jill nodded to herself as she scrutinized Stella. “Yeah, it looks good on you. I think the contrast is what does it,” she said. “Red and black. You remind me of a Bleeding Jane, almost.”  
“Huh, really? Leave it to you to tell me that I resemble a cocktail,” Stella said, chuckling. “Hey, Sei. Your turn to try this on.”  
“All right! I can’t wait!” Sei said. Dorothy stifled a giggle as Stella led Sei into the office to change.  
A few minutes later…  
“Wow! That looks perfect on you, Sei!” Stella said.  
“Really? Maybe I should try to get one of these for the beach…” Stella was blushing from the compliment (or was it the Piano Woman?) The black sweater made for the perfect contrast against her khaki green cargo pants—a holdover of her uniform with the Valkyries of the White Knights. The tips of her short cropped aqua green hair grazed the turtleneck collar. The sleeveless (and backless, as Jill discovered to her amusement) nature of the sweater also set off her muscular arms.  
“Yeah, it probably suits you the most,” Dorothy said. “Got any particular person in your life you’re looking to impress?”  
“Well, no, I don’t know, I mean, maybe, but maybe not, I mean…” Sei’s face turned even pinker, and everyone started to laugh. “Wait, hold on. This is Jill’s sweater, right? She needs to try it.”  
“Me? Well…” Jill looked at herself in the reflection of one of the bar’s beer steins. “Honestly…I was never really one for sexy clothing. I mean, look at me.”  
“You look like someone that can probably rock this thing better than all of us,” Stella said. “And besides, it is yours.”  
“Well…”  
Jill hesitated. “Hey, Gill? Can you take over for a few minutes? I’m gonna go on break.”

The figure looking back at Jill in the mirror in Dana’s office (why did she have a full length mirror in her office?) looked strangely out of place.  
Jill twisted around, seeing how the knitted fabric draped around her curves. Or lack thereof, she thought—sometimes she hated having B-cups. She started doing some of Magical Warrior Julianne’s post-transformation poses. This feels pretty comfy, she thought, but maybe I’d better save it for home rather than work.  
The digital clock read that her fifteen minute break was almost up, so Jill took a deep breath and walked back into the bar.  
“Whoa…” Stella’s Cat Boomer ears pricked up.  
“Hey, that actually looks good on you. Has anyone ever said you look good in black?” Sei said.  
“Yeowza! Marry me, honey!” Dorothy squealed.  
Jill felt a rush of cold air hit her back as she walked towards the others stiffly, then turned around like a wind-up toy. “You really think so?” she said.  
“Of course! And you know who you remind me of in that? Kira*Miki,” Sei said.  
“Yeah…seems like something she’d wear,” Jill said.  
The door to the bar opened again and Jill watched as the familiar figure of Alma entered. “Hey, Jill,” she said, and in mid-wave noticed what Jill was wearing. “You got a new uniform?”  
“Uh…” Jill’s face turned bright red—of all the people for her to run into tonight, it had to be Alma. The one person that Jill knew would not only rock a virgin killer sweater, but to absolutely slay in it.  
“Yeah, so…um…I got this as a gift and we were all trying it on, so…” Jill stammered.  
“Looks comfy. Mind if I try it on after you’re done?” Alma said, chuckling.  
The thoughts started swimming in her head of Alma wearing the sweater, the knitwork being slightly stretched out across her chest, that one scandalous glimpse of her from the side…  
“Jill, your nose is bleeding!” Sei shouted, and her Valkyrie training leapt into action. “Pinch it closed and put your head down!”  
“Oh my god, dis is zo embarrazing…” Jill muttered as she followed Sei’s instructions.

After Jill had sufficiently recovered, she went to change back into her work uniform. Alma was waiting for her at the bar, hands folded. Sei, Stella and Dorothy were nowhere to be seen—they probably had already left, as it was getting fairly close to last call.  
“You all right now?” she asked.  
“Yeah,” Jill said. “Just…thinking. Things. Yeah.” She dismissed the thoughts of Alma prancing around in the sweater and put on her work face. “Brandtini, right?”  
“Of course.” Alma chuckled. “So what’s the story about this mystery gift?”  
Jill recounted how it showed up at the bar and how everyone wanted a chance to try it on. “I’d let Gill try it on, but…”  
“Yeah, that’s not a mental image I want, either,” Alma said.  
“MY EARS ARE BURNING!” Gillian yelled.  
“The big question is, who could’ve sent it. Obviously, it’s someone that knows I work here, because otherwise they’d have to know my home address and I don’t usually give it out,” Jill said.  
“It wasn’t me,” Alma said. “Although it did look really cute on you.”  
“It wasn’t me,” Gillian yelled. “I already got you a Mega Christmas present.”  
There were only two other possibilities, but one of them depended on whether a dog was able to use a credit card and the Internet. Jill realized the obvious conclusion and sighed.  
“Guess you figured it out, huh?” Alma said.  
“Yeah,” Jill said.

As Jill carefully laid out the clean highball glasses at the back of the bar, Dana strode in from outside. She was carrying a paper carton full of what appeared to be Chinese take-out.  
“Hey, Boss. How did everything go?” Jill asked.  
“All right. At least now I know what I’ve got to look forward to,” Dana said, rolling her eyes. That’s when she noticed the crumpled piece of knitted fabric on the bar, and grinned.  
“I see my last Mega Christmas surprise came,” she said.  
“Really. I figured it was you, but…why?” Jill said.  
“I needed to add another $199.99 to my order to qualify for free shipping.”  
“No, seriously, why?”  
“I wanted to put a smile on your face. I didn’t think it’d come this soon—you know how backed up Slamazon got—but it looks like I missed out on all the fun.”  
“We certainly had fun with it.”  
“’We?’”  
“Everyone except Gill took turns trying it on. Well, except for Alma…” Jill’s face flushed at the mere thought of how awesome she’d look.  
Dana leaned closely to Jill, her eyes wide with excitement. “Pictures? Tell me you took pictures!”  
Oh crap, Jill thought. “No…hadn’t even thought of it. But…” She picked up the sweater from the bar. “You gave it to me, you deserve to see me in it.”  
Dana smiled and leaned over to give her favorite employee a hug. “Merry belated Mega Christmas, Jill,” she said.

**Author's Note:**

> I was a little obsessed with sexy lingerie at the time I wrote this, so I decided to make this all about the virgin killer sweater. It looks like a one-size-fits-most garment (well, at least when I see it) and I can see it flattering everyone wearing it (well, except for Dorothy, considering her height and proportions.) I kind of forgot what the most common one looked like, so the one in my story has a chunky turtleneck collar.


End file.
